


Everything Has Changed

by SnapsForMe



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Brooding, Emperor Kylo Ren, Empress Rey, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gray Jedi, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Loneliness, Occasional fluff, Reybae, Reylo - Freeform, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader Rey, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-02-28 15:55:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13274847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnapsForMe/pseuds/SnapsForMe
Summary: Reeling from mutual perceived betrayal and the shadow of loneliness that seems to follow them both wherever they go, Rey and Kylo Ren come to realize that they're all the other has left. Maybe, if they can learn to compromise, everything can change.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I've never written anything before. This is my first fan fic, I don't know what I'm doing, my fingers are literally shaking typing this. So I think I've got kind of a story here... And I'm going to try to maintain the courage to keep posting whether it's terrible or not. We'll see. Maybe no one will read it and it will be fine because if I finished it I'll have accomplished something. Maybe garbage, but my garbage. I'm trying to follow Yoda's advice over here, so IDK here's chapter one I guess...

Rey's head was pounding. She rolled her eyes around her head willing her migraine to subside. The pain was becoming unbearable. Channeling constant energy into blocking their force bond was taking a toll on her body. She'd never relied on the force so frequently as she had the last month to keep him away from her. 

Far away if she could help it. 

But a part of her buried deeply within the recesses of her mind worried that she was expending extra energy blocking a connection that she was ashamed to admit (if only in a deep place inside her that could not lie to herself) that she missed him. 

But that wasn't true, because she didn't miss him. She hated him. He betrayed her. She felt a flash of anger coursing through her body at his unwelcome image in her mind. His stupid brooding face and his traitorous, stoic eyes. How could he do this to her? She'd trusted him with all her heart, she'd traveled across the galaxy to see him in person and bring him back with her. She trusted him despite Luke's warning.

Now her head was searing with pain as a wave of grief washed over her.

Luke.

They spent many days together on the island, meditating. One day, a storm came in, but Luke continued to meditate for hours despite the wind and rain and violent waves crashing over them, soaking them to the bone. At the time, she had been convinced that he had been trying to get her to give up on the idea of being a Jedi by making her as miserable as possible, so she stubbornly ignored the storm with him. It had been so hard to concentrate then, from being so cold.

She felt that coldness every day now that he was dead, and it was all her fault. If she had just listened to him, if she hadn't been so naive, so stupid...so presumptuous to believe that she could pull him away from the darkness. What did she expect? If his own parents couldn't talk sense into him what made her think she was so special? Why did she think she could turn him? 

Then her mind drifted to the last place she wanted it to go. There she was, on Ahch-To, sitting across from him, feeling the warmth of the fire, feeling the rush of being understood, feeling the scratch of the blanket on her shoulders, feeling complete for the first time in her life. Her heart was so full at that moment, she needed to touch him to know for sure if it was real- that he was real. 

Without thinking, she reached her hand out to him. Although she didn't know what she was expecting, she felt the simmer of surprise as he slowly removed his glove and reciprocated the gesture. Perhaps it had been the anticipation, but as their hands drew closer, she thought she could feel a pull to him, like a magnet drawing them closer to each other across the span of an entire galaxy, as if not even time and space could keep them apart. As their hands touched, an electric spark zapped the tips of her fingers and spread warmth up her arm and through her entire body. She'd never felt anything like it. For the first time, she felt a genuine connection, and she knew at that moment that she had to put her faith in him. It was the single most intoxicating moment of her life, and it meant everything to her. His betrayal proved that it meant nothing to him at all. 

On Jakku, she had known loneliness, the feeling of having no one to look out for, no one to talk to, and no one to come home to. Yet here she was, surrounded completely by people every day- people who liked her, people that called her a friend- but nothing had prepared her for the loneliness that was knowing a closeness to someone and losing that connection. Loss. Loss ached in her chest. Her head felt as though it might crack open, and just then she heard a knock at her door, and the announcement that it was time for wake up. 

She groaned and rubbed her eyes; the pain had been so great she hadn't drifted off for even a second this time. If it continued like this, she didn't know how long she'd be able to keep up her defenses.  
\-------------------------------  
Rey was tired from her long, sleepless, and emotionally turbulent night. She was glad to have something to do, and was eager to get to work performing maintenance checks on absolutely anything she could think to do. So far today she had worked her way through almost an entire X-Wing technical manual, paying special attention to the parts about wiring, trying to memorize every word. Curiosity had saved her life almost as much as desperation, and keeping busy dulled her migraine to a slow throb and kept the edge off. She rubbed her eyes absentmindedly as she tinkered, concentrating on her work. A yawn escaped her. She was so tired, she almost didn't notice Poe Dameron approaching, and wouldn't have at all if he hadn't been projecting his feelings everywhere he went. She liked that about him. He was so open and sincere, it made him charming. She did her best to clear her mind and ready herself for cheerful conversation. 

"Hey, Rey." He said warmly, but Rey felt as though there was something else behind it,too. She focused on it. Concern?  
"I don't think there's ever been a better taken care of ship" he said with a chuckle. "But I gotta say, you look pretty beat."

"Oh yea, I didn't get much sleep last night." She responded, trying to stifle another yawn. "And my head is bothering me again."

He frowned at her. "We're worried about you, Rey. Why don't you get some sleep? " Poe asked gently.

Rey was touched that he seemed so concerned her. Touched, but annoyed."Oh, thank you, but I like to stay busy." She said quickly. She didn't think she could take any more time alone with her thoughts right now. The pain would be back at full capacity, and even if she did manage to fall asleep, the nightmares would probably be back too. 

Poe looked uncomfortable, and it didn't suit him. "Hey, look at it this way," he said, "we're at war. Anything could happen. We need you rested and well. All of us need to be rested and well, ok? For me? That's an order!" he said, jokingly, but she could tell a part of him was serious. 

Rey was about to protest again as an uncontrollable yawn escaped her mouth. Deciding it would be easier than arguing she said in a voice that she hoped would pass for cheerily, "Ok, thank you, I'll get some sleep." and walked away, with no intention of getting any sleep at all. 

Her plan had been to go to her bunk, stay for long enough to say that she'd rested, and get right back to work. But as soon as the lights were turned down and her mind had gone quiet, the pain was back again. She ignored it, curling up with a real book of youngling stories. 

She found it exploring on The Falcon one day, tucked away in a small compartment underneath a seat nestled under an emergency blanket. She knew texts were exceedingly rare, and assumed Han must have been smuggling it somewhere. She wrestled with the idea of giving it to General Organa, but it never seemed like the right moment, and suddenly... she'd run out of moments. Rey felt a twinge of guilt. She should have given it to her before...

Yet for some reason, reading the stories gave her an odd sense of comfort. She certainly didn't know any youngling stories from her childhood, and she thought perhaps they were so comforting because they offered a piece of childhood to her that she could never have otherwise known. She opened the text and began to read, savoring the exotic scent of paper. In her time on Jakku, she never would have dreamed her nose would one day find it so familiar. She caressed the leather binding as she wondered how many portions it would have been worth.

Such a calming washed over her as she read, it was like she could almost feel a happier, more innocent time when her mother, smelling of lavender, tucked her into bed and read them aloud to her. It felt so real, it was almost like a memory. Feeling a calm wash over her, her eyelids began to flutter heavily. 

A sharp pain jutted her brain and she clutched her head in agony. How long could she keep this up? She wouldn't last very long without sleep. She resigned to take the block away, for a few hours, so she could sleep again, and turn it right back on when she woke up. 

She would just have to hope he didn't notice.

She really didn't think she could deal with him with as little sleep she'd had the last few days. She was exhausted, and as soon as the block was lifted and she began to relax, she immediately drifted off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I still have no idea what I'm doing, this is terrifying. *Internally screaming* So anyway, here's chapter 2!

He sat in his chamber reading monotonous reports and was abruptly interrupted by a faint sound. He perked up instantly, setting his holopad down. 

The sound started to get louder and he froze. She was reaching out to him through the force, finally. But why couldn't he see her this time? Was it because she initiated it?  
It didn't matter. She was reaching for him. Begging, actually. After this agonizing month of silence, she wanted to talk to him. He'd been desperately waiting for her to send some sign to him that she changed her mind. 

Kylo Ren had never had the opportunity to think much on what he wanted himself. From birth he had been told that he was supposed to want to be a hero. It was an expectation awarded to him for coming from greatness, and he was told he would live up to his lineage. Later, his master told him that his greatness meant that he was destined for power, and to conquer anyone who dared to stand before him, that it was his duty to sacrifice himself for the power to rule his subjects. 

What a lie it all had been.

He was the Supreme Leader. His title finally reflected what his destiny had been all along. He was the face of The First Order, and at his will he could exercise its fist.  
He finally had everything his former master told him to want. But this long, silent month from the one person who'd ever really seen him for himself taught him that the only thing he wanted was to feel her in the back of his mind again. He needed to feel in his chest just one more time that he wasn't alone. He wanted to breathe her in. He would hold her in his lungs and never let go.

As he reached out to her, he found that he could now see her. Maybe the random force bond occurred when they were both thinking of each other. He wished that if Snoke really had created this bond, that he'd imparted more wisdom on the subject to him before he died. He really had no idea how it worked, or why it would still be happening after Snoke was dead. 

Some Master he had been. Kylo tasted the death on his tongue at the thought of him.

He looked around, confused. He expected to see her there, ready to apologize, ready to take his hand, but instead, she was writhing in misery, and appeared to be having a nightmare. A vivid nightmare.

So she didn't want to speak to him. This was another accident. 

But her subconscious clearly wanted him. She had called him in her sleep, how...intimate. That was something. Maybe she wasn't repulsed by him.

As she sobbed, he could feel her loneliness. Despair. Grief. Shame. The familiar emotions fit him like a glove, wrapping around his body and clinging to his skin.  
He reached out to her and shook her shoulder, gently.

"Rey" he whispered. "Wake up, you're dreaming.

She opened her eyed with a start and sat up in bed, instantly combative. 

"You" she said, coming out of her mouth as a hiss. "Get OUT of here. How DARE you show your face to me. Just leave me alone." She finished, angrily, her body shaking.

Maybe she was repulsed by him.

"I didn't mean to disturb you." Kylo Ren said coldly, masking the way her revulsion stung him. "But you called me here." He said, this time with a more even tone to his voice. He could keep his cool. She could say whatever she wanted to him if she would spend another minute with him, so he could understand why she was so upset with him. Her anger was palpable, hanging in the air between them, threatening to tear her away from him again. 

Rey looked at him in disbelief. "Why would I do that?" She said icily, glaring at him.

Remembering her loneliness, he said very quietly, "Maybe you're missing something." 

Rey rolled her eyes and it infuriated him. 

"I'm not missing anything you could give me." She said with poison dripping from her voice. He'd never seen her this angry without a lightsaber. Her face was red and puffy from crying, but she was seething, the picture of contempt. She was radiant.

But why did she do that? Why did she deny their connection? Their attraction? They would rule together as one, he'd seen it in his vision, but first she was torturing him. Why did she keep rejecting him? 

He was afraid he was failing, pushing her further away, despite his faith in the force. Patience, he reflected, was never his greatest strength. He wasn't perfect, that's why he needed her. Tenacity was more within his skill set. He would ask her again and again with the confidence that one day she would take his hand. But she was so, so stubborn. 

Not knowing when he might see her again, and hoping it was much sooner than last time, he wanted to make every second with her count. He decided to get to the point figuring she could disappear at any moment. They didn't have time to discuss the weather. So he said, "Why do you want to hurt me?" 

For the second time, she was stunned. She looked wild, as if she were a cornered animal. He was sure she would run. But she didn't. So he waited.

"You betrayed me." She said finally. 

Now it was his turn to be surprised. 

"I betrayed you?" he said, his voice shaking. "Rey, I killed my master for you. I offered the world to you. Every world. I asked you to join me, to train with me, so that we could be together." He stepped toward her, his face full of emotion.

"I've waited every day for you to change your mind. I've reached out to see if I could feel you, but you blocked yourself from me. How have I betrayed you?" He asked, exasperated.

She looked so confused, so tired.

After some silence he said," I'm here for you, Rey. You called me, and I answered. You're not alone."

He could see her cautiously considering his words. "Nothing has changed." She said quietly. "All you care about is taking the world for yourself." 

"Everything has changed." He almost whispered, matching her volume. "All I care about is giving it to you." He took another step towards her. Another step and he could reach out to touch her. He desperately wanted to, wanted to grip her neck in his hands and make her look into his eyes and explain herself to him. But he restrained himself.

"I can't do this right now, okay?" She said softly, tears forming in her eyes. "I'm so... tired. I need to sleep." She said.

Her sorrow reached out to him. Her guilt and loneliness roped around his body. 

"What happened to you? Why didn't you call me before now?" he asked, concern in his voice. 

"I'll talk to you tomorrow." she whispered so quietly he wasn't actually sure if she'd said it at all. 

As she disappeared, he felt...something. He couldn't quite put a name to the way he felt after their conversations. It was on the tip of his tongue. Like information he once knew that he couldn't recall. 

"Talk to you tomorrow." He said, but she was already gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Rey woke up feeling more rested than she could remember. She wiped the drool from her forearm on her hip and stretched her arms above her head, gripping her left wrist with her right hand and arching her back. She had her eyes closed, enjoying the stretch and serenity gained from a real rest when suddenly, her eyes snapped open. She felt the shame stab her in the small of her back and shuddered as it coursed through her veins.

She felt pathetic. 

She could block him again, she figured, ignore her promise to speak with him completely and keep on blocking him, forever.

But of course, that wasn't a real option to her. The relief she woke up to had been a direct result of unblocking their bond. Living with that kind of pain, without being able to sleep, without the familiar awareness of being connected to him, felt impossible now that she'd turned it back on. 

Having him back felt like putting down a heavy rock she'd been carrying uphill in intense heat. She felt lighter, she felt good. She knew she couldn't cut him off completely again, not for long periods of time. Her only real choice was to accept that they were connected now. 

Snoke told them that he formed their force bond, but she wasn't sure. He was dead, and that wasn't stopping it. A month of suppression didn't weaken it at all. In fact, she wondered if she could always feel his emotions it her like a train. Had they been as intense before? She could feel such desperation from him. He missed her.

She blushed as she wondered what emotions she left unguarded, over taken by his intensity.

Maybe he hadn't been as careful with himself that time, and had been projecting his emotions to her. It was hard to tell. She didn't know anything about force bonds, and there was no one left to ask. 

They were the last of their kind, a dying breed. 

They only had each other.   
\------------------------------------------  
The smell of breakfast filled her nose and despite herself, she smiled. Compared to the life she knew on Jakku, it was entirely more full, in every sense of the word. 

Where her belly used to ache with hunger, she now could rely on a full stomach. Where she used to long for company she could now simply leave her bunk at any time and fall into a crowd. She used to spend hours a day scouring the ground, sifting through sand and exploring her world as if her life depended on it, because it did.

Now she spent hours meditating, looking within herself as if her life depended on it, because it did, and it seemed like so did everyone else's.

Rey felt as though she had the galaxy on her shoulders, and she didn't believe anyone should have that power. Why should she? She didn't ask for this. Her whole life, all she ever wanted was a family and a hot meal.

She felt a burst of anger that didn't belong to her, but it was fleeting, over as soon as it began. Well, that was new. She wondered what he was so angry about so early in the morning. Maybe the droid that brought him his breakfast had forgotten to polish his silverware or something. Who knew with him, really. 

She sat down with her food and looked around for an empty place to sit. She quickly scanned for Finn, she hadn't seen him in days. She sighed to no one in particular. It looked like Finn was eating with Rose again. She was still in the medbay after her accident on Crait and he spent all his time with her. Rey missed Finn so much that she visited them a few times, but she felt so uncomfortable with them. It wasn't at all like when Finn introduced her to Poe. With Finn and Rose she always felt like a third wheel.

Besides, she had to pass General Organa's office to get to the medbay. 

Rey chose an empty table and sighed again, into her caf. She should have eaten in The Falcon. It was quiet there and no one stared at her. It was as though the air had changed after General Organa died. Those that had worked with her in the past maintained an air of cordiality, but no one went out of their way to be friendly.

She supposed she understood their hesitance. If she had seen herself float rocks above her head she might be afraid of herself, too. Maybe she was afraid of herself anyway.

She picked at her breakfast, possibly for the first time ever. Feeling hyper aware of the flavors in her mouth, she wondered if she'd ever really tasted anything before. Her life had been an urgent blur. A series of actions taken with little thought, self preservation always at the forefront of her mind, taking priority over every emotion, every sense. As she chased the last bite of boiled mealgrain into her spoon, she made the conscious decision to savor it. It was by no means an extravagance, but she realized she'd never tasted anything so elegant. 

Unexpected tears pooled in her eyes, daring to fall. 

Silently, Rey made a promise to herself. She was tired of surviving. From this moment on, her life was going to be worth living.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I know this is kind of a short chapter, but I promise the next one is extraaaa long. This is my first fanfic so I'm still learning about where to cut off chapters, I hope you enjoy :)

He paced back and forth. He balled his hands into tight, powerful fists, squeezing as tightly as he could, and released, shaking the anger from his fingers. 

His robes swished dramatically as he switched to a figure eight. 

Control. He needed to get control. 

He squeezed his hands into fists again, breathing heavily. He was getting impatient. 

He would just do it, he decided. He would reach out to her first. She said they would talk today. It was getting late. What if something had happened to her?  
But she wanted space. He should let her come to him. She was always more receptive to reason when she felt in control. She was fine. If she was in danger, he would know. She would call for him.

Would she? She was so stubborn. It would be just like her to die with pride rather than ask him for help. 

But she was a survivor. And of course she was fine. They hadn't fulfilled their destiny yet. It would come to pass.

He loosened the grip on his fingers and took another deep breath. 

How pathetic he was.

The Supreme Leader of the entire galaxy. The all powerful ruler of worlds. His decisions would touch the lives of trillions. 

And he couldn't speak to a scavenger from Jakku. 

Pathetic. 

But that's not who she was to him. 

"What are you doing? You look like a sand panther, pacing back and forth." Asked a lilting voice behind him. 

He spun around. There she was, sitting casually, with her legs crossed at the knee, arms resting behind her. She looked comfortable but expectant, as if she'd been waiting for him at a canteen for a casual drink. Her hair was down again. He liked it. He'd have to make a point not to say anything. She'd probably start putting it up again if she knew he had a preference. 

"Is everything alright? I could feel you on my end. You feel... you're making me feel nervous" she added, reaching out to him with her mind, probing softly, with a hint of concern.

He pushed her out of his mind to hide his embarrassment, but without much force behind it, afraid to offend her. Her mood swings were even worse than his. Yesterday he was a monster, today she was here for a chat with an old friend. Even he was more consistent.

"What would you know about sand panthers?" He asked with a smirk. 

She scoffed at him. 

"I can read" she snapped, rolling her eyes at him. "There's actually an extensive archive of flora and fauna from the various systems Artoo's visited and I intend to-"

"Rey." He said, cutting her off. She was clearly avoiding their discussion from the night before. He was going to have to bring it up. He walked toward her and sat down, inches from her. Close enough to touch, close enough to look into her eyes and tell her the truth. He'd been working on what he wanted to say to her all day, carefully choosing the perfect words, but as he began to speak they melted away, slipping out of his consciousness. He could not speak.

They sat in silence examining each other. He tried to memorize the softness of her expression, the slight arch of her brow, the color of her lips. 

He wanted to touch those lips, brush his fingers over them to see if they were as soft as they looked. He wanted to press his mouth to hers to know how they tasted. Of course they were sweet. They had to be sweet. 

It could have been minutes or hours before he heard himself say, "It was never my intention to hurt you. I would never intentionally hurt you." 

Her eyebrows drew themselves upward. Her lips relaxing to a pout, but she said nothing. 

"I can feel your turmoil." He said. "I feel your anger. I feel your pain. I feel your loneliness. No one can understand you as I do. I feel what you feel." He knew she was listening now. Really listening. Considering his offer. Something was different this time. 

He was speaking more quickly now, raising his voice, he couldn't get the words out fast enough. "Let me teach you how to use your power. Search my feelings. We don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I just want to be by your side, as equals. Join me Rey, complete me." 

She was desperately hanging onto his words, now. He could feel her heart beat thumping as if it were in his own chest. He knew the moment was now.

He removed his right glove and stretched out his hand to her. It was the most vulnerable thing he'd ever done. If she rejected him now, after he begged for her... 

"You just have to decide, Rey. Will you trust me?" 

She looked down at the floor. 

She had to say yes. It was destiny. His hand and his heart hung in the air between them. 

Slowly her gaze turned to his dark eyes. He could feel her reaching out to him with the force, turning over his thoughts. He let her, freely. It was uncomfortable, but he could go unguarded for a moment in exchange for her hand. Everything had a price, this was a world of sacrifice. 

Just as his confidence faltered, as he was about to withdraw his hand, he saw her begin to raise hers. 

She reached out and met his hand, and as he felt the familiar spark of her touch, their fingers gently intertwined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, now you guys see where this is going! Reylo/ Aladdin crossover! 
> 
> Just kidding XD That's not where this is going at all, lol. KR just kind of reminded me of him at the end a little. but I promise nobody is singing A Whole New World in the next chapter.
> 
> I mean...maybe I could rewrite some stuff and throw it in? lol I'm not though. Still kidding!


	5. Chapter 5

She was furious with herself for agreeing to speak with him again. Or she should be. 

Why even entertain him after what he'd done to her? How could she even think of him, let alone agree to see him again after the things he'd done?

She'd been a pawn all along.

After taking advantage of her good nature to make her believe in his light.

He humiliated her.

After luring her to The Supremacy to serve her up to Snoke on a golden platter and deciding at the last minute to take that power for himself. He was an opportunistic selfish bastard. 

But that wasn't his version of the story. 

According to him, he'd done everything for her. 

She laughed at herself. That was idiotic. How stupid did he think she was? If he cared about her at all he would have walked away from the First Order and come home to his mother. 

She knew she should be filled with rage at the mention of his name. She had been yesterday. But after talking to him again, it was just like before. 

With a shudder Rey remembered exactly what it felt like to look into the eyes of true darkness. She'd expected that his time as Supreme Leader would have turned his heart quickly to the dark side, but if anything, it seemed that his time away from Snoke had the opposite effect. His eyes were not like Snoke's. He just didn't feel evil. 

And he certainly didn't look evil. He looked desperate. He looked lonely. He looked like a boy she'd known so briefly, but had quickly carved a place into her heart. 

She missed him too. She couldn't deny it anymore.

She could feel it again, the hope bubbling in her stomach. 

And then, anxiety. Nerves that she -no that he- was fighting to regulate. She clenched her fists, anger welling in her chest, it was almost a relief to feel her nerves ebbing away, but the rage was beginning to boil, her nails dug into her palms as she squeezed-

"No." She said aloud. She took a deep breath, composing herself. These were not her emotions, she could separate herself from them. She needed to be calm and level headed for their meeting...conversation...whatever it was. She sat down on her bed and got comfortable, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. 

She reached out to him with her feelings, and opened her eyes. It was easier than she expected,it came naturally, like breathing. 

And there he was, robes swishing back and forth as he paced. His hair flying back and forth, emanating anger, anxiety, and an undercurrent of... fear? She couldn't help but feel pleased with herself to have caught him at such a vulnerable time. He would not want her to see him this way. 

"What are you doing? You look like a sand panther, pacing back and forth." She teased, unable to hide her amusement.  
.   
He spun around to face her, eyes wild. She felt a twinge of guilt for teasing him. Something was clearly bothering him.

"Is everything alright? I could feel you on my end. You feel..." She paused for a moment, considering whether it was wise to reveal how open their bond was now. He might have been too distracted to notice. She decided he would figure it out eventually, anyway. 

"You're making me feel nervous." She finished, probing his mind gently, but he quickly shut her out. 

"What would you know about sand panthers?" He asked, teasing her back. 

Interesting. A sense of humor. That was a relief, but it still stung. She had not forgotten that he called her nothing, but she did not want to talk about that. She considered leaving and just going to bed. It was what he deserved, but she didn't want him to win. She would not be bothered by anything he said.

"I can read." She snapped, rolling her eyes, clearly bothered by his comment. "There's actually an extensive archive of flora and fauna from the various systems Artoo's been to, and I intend to"-

"Rey." he said cutting her off. 

He strode toward her and sat down next to her. She didn't know why, but she couldn't speak. He was looking at her so intensely and he was so close, close enough to touch her, but she wasn't afraid. He didn't want to hurt her. 

Their silence was not uncomfortable. They sat together, silently studying each other. Her eyes followed his scar above his eyebrow and down his cheek. A loose strand of his hair was covering the eye she was suddenly grateful he hadn't lost. She fought the urge to brush it away. 

"It was never my intention to hurt you." He said quietly. "I would never intentionally hurt you."

That was a surprise. It was almost an apology. She fought to hide any reaction, but her face betrayed her.

"I can feel your turmoil." He said. "I feel your anger. I feel your pain. I feel your loneliness. No one can understand you as I do. I feel what you feel." 

She knew that already. She could feel their connection as well as he could, but their feelings were of little consequence to the fate of the galaxy. He was still on the wrong side. He still wanted to crush the resistance, he still wanted to hurt the people she had grown to care about. 

He was raising his voice now, and speaking more quickly as if he was sure he could convince her if he could just get the words out in time. "Let me teach you how to use your power. Search your feelings. We don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I just want to be by your side, as equals. Join me Rey, complete me."

She looked at him incredulously, breathing erratically. He just said the last thing she'd expected him to say, short of pledging himself to the light and vowing to be a Jedi. She did want a teacher, she could not read the Jedi texts and she was desperate to know the things Master Luke passed onto him that she may never otherwise know, she didn't have to search her feelings about that. 

And this offer was much different than the last one. He had swallowed his pride and begged her to be with him. He was willing to give up his control. She was given the promise that she didn't have to do anything she was uncomfortable with. He just wanted her around.

Her absence had been even harder on him than his was for her. If he was telling the truth, if he'd missed her this much, he'd have to have some light left in him. It seemed as though he cared for her, in what capacity she didn't know. It only mattered that he cared at all. 

Her heart beat frantically in her chest as he removed his glove and placed his hand out to her. 

"You just have to decide, Rey. Will you trust me?"

She looked down at the floor hoping if she broke their gaze this mind trick he had clearly placed on her to make her consider his words would be broken.

The floor did not decrease their appeal.

But of course she couldn't trust him. Master Luke had warned her. She'd been stupid not to listen to him before. 

But why after everything did she so badly want to see him again? Why did she so desperately want to trust him? 

Luke had been a powerful force user, and he could have been a wonderful Master, but he was just a man. Not an infallible hero. Just as she was just a stupid, lost girl who didn't trust herself with her own powers, and just as Ben Solo was a frightened boy trapped in the body of a man who had made some terrible mistakes. 

She knew now, that that's what she believed. That's why she could not let him go. 

But could she trust him?

She turned her gaze to his dark eyes, searching for a sign. She reached out with the force and let out a gasp when she felt how open he was. He had no defenses up, no walls at all that she could detect. Without his usual resistance, she turned over his memories so quickly she could hardly register what she was seeing. 

-A flash of laughing so hard it made her abs burn to be filled with such joy- A chaste kiss quickly pressed to her lips-unbridled fear as a green lightsaber glowed violently above her head- shame- pain- grief-sitting across from herself, a blanket draped around her shoulders and tears streaming down her face, she saw her hand reach out-Snoke's cold eyes burning into her soul-misery-pain- She quickly pushed herself out of his memories. 

She called out to the force, "Please tell me what to do." She begged.

As if in answer, she felt her hand move, almost by itself to reach his fingers. She slid her hand in his, intertwining their fingers and futures.

"Or maybe," she thought, "our futures have always been connected."

"Of course they have." He said.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday to one of my best friends, Kathleen. :) She's one of my favorite people ever, and always encourages and believes in me and reads thousands of words about a subject she wouldn't even be that interested in if she didn't want to support me, so needless to say, she's an excellent friend and I hope she has a wonderful birthday!
> 
> It took me forever to write this chapter, but it's like a double chapter this time! I also have an outline going, and I think I know where we're headed, unless the character surprise me and do something else! 
> 
> Also, I just got a tumblr, (literally just) so leave me a message if you want, and pop in and explain what the purpose of asks are or something :) 
> 
> https://snapsforme.tumblr.com/

Rey wrenched her hand from his as if he had shocked her. She knew their emotions could travel across the bond, but she did not expect thoughts that she did not intend to send to reach him so freely. How strong could this... thing get? She would have to be more carefully guarded in the future. Whether they'd agreed to trust each other or not, some things should be private. Nobody could be completely connected with someone else and maintain their sanity, they would both lose their sense of self, and Rey had absolutely no interest in becoming Kylo Ren. Or Ben Solo. 

She wasn't even sure if she knew what it meant to be Rey. 

"So you're coming here then? To The Supremacy?" He asked carefully.

Rey raised her eyebrows and put her hands on her hips. "Not before we discuss terms and conditions." 

He nodded, his face expressionless. He'd been expecting that, of course. 

"Term one?"

"You don't get to kill my friends. I don't care if they make a snarky comment or how angry you are about...whatever you're angry about." 

"What if they're shooting at me?" He asked coldly.

Rey rolled her eyes. "Self defense is acceptable on a case by case basis. Don't forget that I know you can stop blaster fire in mid-air and knock people unconscious with your wave-y hand trick." She had one hand perched on her perfect knee, the other waving around half haphazardly as she spoke. So she talked with her hands when she was flustered. 

He smirked.

"You've sufficiently avoided killing me so far, and I have every faith in your capability to avoid murdering people that don't possess our...abilities." 

"I'm going to need a list." He said apathetically. 

"And no children!" She added, feeling guilty that it had been an afterthought. 

He glared at her. "I do not just sit around and wish to murder children!" He said, raising his voice. She felt his anger rising, and then swiftly dissipate. She hoped she was better at concealing her emotions than he was. 

"I'm just being thorough. You killed your own..." She trailed off briefly. "-Master!" she said quickly and a little too loudly, thinking that Han Solo's death was a topic better left for another day. This day had been emotionally draining as it was. 

"Your first condition?" She asked, smoothing out her shirt, trying to move on. 

He was looking at her fiercely, but for once, she was having trouble deciding what emotions he was feeling, and she desperately wanted to know what he was thinking. Something told her the invitation into his mind wasn't an open one. She resisted the urge she always felt, to pick something apart and see how it worked. 

"I want to train you" he said.

"Deal" she said smiling enthusiastically. "You already knew I wanted to train with you."

"You will be open minded?"

"Well I'm not calling you Master, if that's what you mean!" she said furrowing her brows and crossing her arms.

He shook his head, "No, I'm not a master anyway. I just want to share what I've learned with you. Doubtless you'll pick it up faster than I did. Once you're caught up we'll figure the rest out together."

"Okay" she said, still smiling. She could keep an open mind, what a small thing to ask in exchange for the lives of her friends. 

"Wait-you said after my training. How long do you expect me to stay?"

"For as long as you want. You wouldn't be-I won't hold you prisoner." he said, looking as though he wanted to say more, but stopped himself. 

That was suspicious. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him, arms still crossed, a flash of fury in her eyes. 

"Luke was afraid of me" she said, finally. 

He turned his head slightly to the side, surprised by her non sequitur.

"I know," he began, "I told you-"

"That's why I trusted you the first time." She said, her anger flaring. "He wasn't what I thought he would be. And neither are you...But I still don't know why I'm trusting you this time. I just feel like I should." She said, wondering if she was giving too much of herself away, but she couldn't help herself. 

"Do not betray me again. Ever." She said trembling, "You will not get another chance to make things right."

"We're not allowed to lie to each other." He said quickly.

Her anger subsided slightly and she nodded. They wouldn't be able to keep secrets from each other anyway, not really. 

She moved her mouth from side to side, chewing on the inside of her lips, looking at the ceiling, thinking hard. 

"I get to call you Ben" she said with a mischievous smirk, one eyebrow raising.

Her requests were getting bolder, this time she'd asked for something she wanted, not something she required, but she was confident he would allow it. 

The corners of his mouth turned up slightly in genuine amusement. 

"You already do, privately." He thought a moment before falling back into his usual brooding. "It's fine when we're alone. In front of the First Order I would prefer you used one of my titles."

"I can do that." She said, smiling warmly at him.

He'd been so reasonable so far, she couldn't believe how seamlessly their discussion was going. No furniture had been broken on either side. Maybe they could both be capable of diplomacy after all. 

In this moment, Rey believed that everything had happened for a reason. Maybe the force did know what it was doing, and she wasn't just rationalizing her desires to be near him by saying it drove them together. Or maybe she was, but it in this moment, it felt right and she allowed herself to release the guilt in her heart and relieve the tension in her shoulders. Working things out together was cathartic. 

"Anything else?" She asked, almost breathlessly, feeling lighter than air for the first time since they battled shoulder to shoulder for their lives, protecting each other. 

Since the last time they'd worked together, she realized. 

They made an excellent team.

And then she felt nervous again- his nerves washed over her like the sudden rainstorms of Ahch-To, heavy, but generally brief. He bottled it back up even quicker than last time, but even if he hadn't, she would have known something was wrong. His face was stone still. It was his practiced, stoic face. That was his tell. When Ben was truly relaxed, he couldn't stop himself from showing his every emotion on his face. 

"I think you should leave in the morning." He said, without a hint of emotion in his deep voice. "You'll need to start lessons in interplanetary etiquette and I'm sure you'll want to be up to date on First order procedure. Doubtless there are some things you'll want to change, and I'm willing to have a similar discussion once you're more familiar with the organization. Regardless, the faster you become acquainted with the lifestyle, the faster we can have your coronation. I'd say if everything goes to plan you could be ready by next month Does that sound reasonable?" 

If she hadn't felt his anxiety moments before, she would have thought that Kylo Ren had just made what was possibly the first joke of his life. She would have laughed. 

But instead, she looked at him murderously. 

"Have you been messing with me this whole time? Are you just wasting my time? You know I won't join the First Order. I agreed to join you." She huffed, squeezing her hands into fists.

"I am the Supreme Leader of the First Order." He said, drawing out his words slowly, as if talking to a child. "Joining me is almost literally joining the First Order."

"Don't be condescending!" She snarled, "You were nervous about mentioning it, you knew I wasn't expecting this- Actually, what is THIS exactly? coronation for WHAT? And what happened to always telling the TRUTH?!" Her hands balled into fists.

His eyes glanced down to her lap, to her fists and he watched as she tried to control her temper. The corners of his mouth turned up again, if only for a second. 

"I was worried that a title would throw you" he admitted, his eyes looking down, still watching her hands. "

He raised his eyes to look at her face. She was looking at him expectantly, waiting for a reasonable explanation. Her brow was furrowed slightly, but her eyes were waiting. He wondered if he would answer to this expression for the rest of his life. He could only hope.

"I want you to rule with me, Rey." Ever so softly he said, "I need you."

"Why? I have no interest in telling people what to do. Isn't this exactly what you wanted? Aren't you the most powerful person in the universe? Why do you need me?" She demanded. 

This time, she saw the surprise on his face at exactly the same time that she felt it splash across their bond. He made no attempt to hide his annoyance at her either. 

"It's not about power at all." He said simply. "I've never cared about being the most powerful. I was just trying to please my Master." He hissed the name, mocking it now. 

"But you're a Sith. I thought that was your deal" She said, the anger in her voice replaced with curiosity. 

He snorted. "It was supposed to be. That's what Snoke told me." 

He rubbed his eyes. "I was never a Sith, that's why I kil-I was just trying to survive." He says, tripping over his words. It was exhausting him to be so open with someone, especially about topics he wasn't ready to think about himself. 

Rey fought the urge to reach out to him and place her hands in his, to twist them in his hair, to use them to turn his chin toward hers and look into his eyes. They were always so warm, and somehow, even though she should have been expecting it, when she looked at him this time, their warmth caught her off guard again. 

Her hands twitched in her lap. She moved them to either side of her, adjusting her seat (on what looked like his bed where he was, but was probably her own) to a cross-legged position.

"So what are you trying to do now?" She asked, fidgeting. 

His eyes bore into her with more intensity than she'd ever seen, even from him. 

"I'm trying to be free" he said simply. 

"So am I!" She said, excitedly. "Free from the First Order, free from the war, free from everything! Let's just run away! We'll travel."

"Rey," he said, shaking his head, "we don't have to run anywhere, from anyone. The galaxy is ours. It belongs to us. Fuck the Resistance, they don't matter. Fuck the war. Together we can create whatever world we want. How many hungry scavengers are on Jakku? Don't you want to feed them?" 

"What do you care about scavengers?" She yelled. "Since when have you cared about that?" 

"I wouldn't! I'd never think of it without you. I need you. We can restore balance to the force and the galaxy together. We can end the slavery on the outer rim. If you would just let me show you-"

He stopped as her fingers brushed his lips, quieting him.

"It would be like this? All of the time?" She asked, wide eyed, her fingers slipping slightly, to his chin.

"Like what?" He said breathlessly. 

"We would talk about all decisions. We would decide everything together?" 

"We'd be complete equals" he said, moving her hand from his chin down between his two large hands, swallowing her small one, never breaking eye contact. 

"So show me" she whispered. "I'll go to you, and you'll have a week to convince me. Show me that we can be a force for good, and we can stay."

"And after a week? If you don't like it, then what?"

"I'll leave, and you can decide what you want to do."

"You should get some rest then." He said, standing up, letting go of her hand. "We've never tested the bond for this long, you'll be exhausted tomorrow."

She shook her head, standing up too. "I won't be able to sleep anyway. I'll leave now."

"You're sneaking out." he said smirking, realization dawning on him. "You can cut the bullshit with me, we're not lying to each other, remember?" 

She was still ashamed to be making a decision for herself, she thought herself selfish. In time he'd have her broken of that. He envisioned a Rey that was unapologetically herself, taking the world by storm on her every whim. 

"So uh, where am I going?" She asked, ignoring his comment completely. 

She wasn't sneaking out. 

She couldn't sleep anyway, why waste time?

"Lying to yourself counts, Rey" She heard him think. 

Her face turned crimson as she grumpily slammed her meager belongings into a bag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! Comments always appreciated, I'd love to hear from you <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so I hope this chapter makes sense? I've been sick with the flu, and I may have been delirious with fever and maybe it makes sense to me because I was on some fever induced spirit quest? Idk, but I hope you like it. It's yet another setting up chapter, but I feel like this is kind of a slice of life fic anyway, haha. Idk, I have some plot ideas, we'll see how climactic they are lol.

Rey's hands shook slightly as she packed her meager belongings. She felt the need to tip-toe around, making as little noise as possible despite that everyone who might bother to be suspicious of the rustling coming from her room would be asleep, and the intermittent shouting from her conversation moments before hadn't raised any alarms. 

She felt what wasn't her first pang of relief that any female she might have roomed with had been too intimidated by her to ask her to share. At first and in fact it still stung, but she hadn't been used to living closely with anyone anyway. She desperately wanted to experience the camaraderie of having someone with her all the time, but after so long living alone she wasn't sure if she had the temperament for it anyway. Now at least, it would be convenient. 

She opened the trunk of her belongings that she brought in from The Falcon, deciding what of the few things she owned was worth stuffing into a bag. She chose one change of clothes, some toiletries, and she dug around, looking for anything she might be forgetting. Her fingers found the binding of the Youngling Tales, and she smiled fondly at it and slid it into her leather bag. 

Rey took a deep breath and walked out into the hallway quietly, feeling that there was something she still needed to do, but couldn't put her finger on it, when BB8 rolled by, heading to the barracks. Perfect. 

"Hey, can you do me a favor?" she asked it putting her index finger over her lips, requesting discretion.

BB8 whistled quietly in agreement and followed her back to her room. 

"Ok, I need to leave a message for Finn. Can you get it to him? Please don't play it for anyone else, not even for Poe, ok?" She asked gravely. "Actually, especially not Poe. Can you do that?"

It whistled at her suspiciously, but rolled its body slightly in acceptance and turned on its holorecorder. 

Now that she was finally faced with leaving the message, Rey realized she had no idea what to say. Rey was not good at talking about her feelings. She wished Chewie were here to help her think of something again, he was always so eloquent. 

She stood contemplating quietly for a moment before nodding for BB8 to start recording. 

A nervous, trembling hand wiped a stray piece of hair out of her face as she took a deep breath. "Hey, Finn. I hope you won't be upset with me for not doing this in person. I just... I need to leave for a little while and figure some things out, and I didn't want you to talk me out of it. This is something I feel like I have to do. I can't explain it, I'm sorry. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but you don't need to go looking for me. I'll be safe where I'm going, so you don't need to worry. Tell everyone that it wasn't personal. Take care of Poe and Rose." 

She paused, knowing she should say something else, reassure him that she was coming back. She could picture the freak out he was going to have after someone discovered she'd slipped out, and Beebee played him her message. She didn't envy Poe for having to deal with that, that's why she was slipping out. 

"I'll miss you every day. We're going to see each other again." She said quietly, and saved the recording. She thought about watching it, but she was afraid she'd delete the whole thing, so instead, she just bent down and fixed Beebee's antenna. 

"Thanks buddy, I'm gonna miss you while I'm out." She said warmly. "Remember, that's for FINN, okay? He needs to see it first." 

BB8 whistled a small sad note as she readjusted the strap from her bag on her shoulder and walked out of the barracks and down to the hangar. 

Rey felt terribly guilty taking The Falcon. She shouldn't be taking it from Chewie, but it would be worse to take one of the few ships Lando Calrission offered the Resistance, and she was sure if she bothered to ask that they'd prefer her taking one ship to trusting Kylo Ren with the location of the Resistance. Besides, she never did get that ship from Maz, so she placated her guilt by telling herself she was just borrowing it. 

And she did intend to give it back. 

Just, normally taking something without asking had a different name. 

Taking the ship was too easy. 

Typing in the coordinates they agreed on was nothing.

Settling in to hyperspace was effortless.

But Rey couldn't imagine anything more impossible than spending the next twelve hours en route to Ahch-To wondering if she'd done the right thing. 

She rested her elbows on her knees and held her face in her hands. Why did the force choose her? Why Ben of all people? Why push them together if this wasn't what she was meant to do? Did the force even work that way? Was there even something that she was "supposed" to do? 

She felt a nudge of concern in her mind. 

Ben. She'd probably been shouting her feelings at him. He must think she was having cold feet. 

Surprisingly, she wasn't. Her anxiety came from the way she left like a thief in the night, sneaking out as if she should be ashamed. 

But seeing Ben? The force tied a string from her heart to his, and one or both of them were driving her actions, over riding her logic, and that's the kind of decision you have to be confident is right, if you ask Rey. Whether it be her heart or the force, could either of him really steer her in the wrong direction? 

That had been the question all along, hadn't it?

Rey could only think of two other times in her life when she'd actually chosen her own path rather than allowing herself to be pulled by whatever the situation at hand required of her. If she'd sold BB8, she'd still be on Jakku right now, staring at the stars and dreaming of an island. An island that she was barreling toward right now, as fast as hyperspeed could take her.

If she knew all of the events that occurred after she'd turned down Unker Plutt that day, if she played them back in her mind one by one, if she tried to remain objective, take herself out of the situation and watch herself go through the motions, if she could analyze them from afar scene by scene until she ended up in the pilots chair of the Millenium Falcon over and over again, then why couldn't she decide if she'd done the right thing? How could she know? 

Did anyone ever really know? 

Did everyone feel this way? Was everyone else drifting through their lives doing the best they could with the information they had at the time hoping they were doing it right, and pretending that they were in control as Rey did?

Surely not. A man like Poe Dameron for example, a natural born leader, he was always clear headed and confident. There was no gray area for a man like Poe. 

It should be easier for her since she had the force to guide her, but if anything it just felt like another voice inside her head steering her in yet another direction, logic be damned. The force had chosen her to wield this responsibility, right? The responsibility of what exactly, she didn't know, but it felt like just another aspect of her life she had to juggle, another ball to drop. 

Somewhere between the thoughts of imminent failure swirling around in her head, and the calming blue of hyperspace, she drifted off to sleep.  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Rey woke feeling rested and free, her nerves if still present pushed aside in her mind to make room for excitement. There was just enough time to leisurely enjoy a up of caf, brush her teeth, and enjoy a shower in the fresher. Force, she loved showers. If there was any better sensation than warm water cascading around her, massaging sore muscles, she'd like to feel it. What could beat actual water, so much of it that you could just stand in it for minutes, close your eyes, and pretend there was nothing but peace and warmth and silence?

Boosted by the tranquility of her shower, and a bit by the caf, she found herself bouncing back and forth from her heels, to the balls of her feet. She got dressed, walked to the mirror, and started to put her hair up in her three buns, but it was still wet, so she decided just to leave it down. She got closer to the mirror and stared at herself. For possibly the first time, Rey wondered if she was pretty. She chewed on her lips, thinking they might be too thin. She looked at the space between her forehead and eyebrows and wondered if it were too large, she inspected her nose and thought that perhaps it looked pinched and too small for her face. Red heat swept across her face and down her neck. What a stupid thought, what did it matter really? She rolled her eyes at herself and went to the cockpit, it was just about time to land. 

He was already standing there, on the island when she landed the Falcon. This time, he appeared to be alone as promised. She lowered the ramp, and stopped at the entrance when she found him at the bottom of the ramp. 

Rey hadn't really had any preconceived notions of how their meeting would go. She'd been too preoccupied hoping that it wasn't some kind of trap to prepare for a reunion. Despite having no solid expectations, she wasn't prepared for it to be so...awkward. As soon as eye contact had been made, they stared at each other, neither of them willing to be the first to close the distance or to speak,both of them afraid to take the next step. 

His body language was so stiff this time, accentuated by the serenity of his hair blowing gently in the wind. 

He cleared his throat. "You look beautiful, as always." he said quietly. 

"Were you watching me in the fresher?!" She shouted at him, her face and neck turning scarlet as she crossed her arms in front of her.

"What?!" he spit with extremely convincing confusion.

Oh, Force. He'd actually just been trying to pay her a compliment and she'd just accused him of being a pervert for what to him, was no apparent reason. 

Rey's ears and shoulders were now scarlet, her neck and face now a deep, beet red. "Nothing, sorry. Never mind." She sputtered stupidly, wondering if it was too late to back up slowly into the ship, raise the ramp, and fly to a nice, quiet planet and become no one again. 

"So... are you coming?" he said, clearly trying to spare her the embarrassment of explaining herself. 

"You want to leave right now? You don't want to stay on Ahch-To a while?" She asked innocently. 

He scanned their surroundings, disgust etched into his expression. "No" he said flatly.

She laughed. She actually laughed- that light hearted lilting carefree giggle of hers- and he realized she was teasing him. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly. 

She descended down the ramp to him, and joined him. 

"Did you have to bring that fucking ship?" he grumbled as they walked together, side by side. 

Her head fell back this time as she laughed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading :) <3


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